By Lisa Wentz, May 27, 2026
I recently attended a local political gathering that was intended to be a casual, social space with snacks, drinks, and friendly conversation. Early in the evening, the atmosphere felt open and welcoming. However, the tone shifted when I was directly pressed on how—and for whom—I should vote by one of the organizers.
I was exhausted from a long workday and chose to set a clear boundary, stating that I was not open to discussing my vote and that I would be voting in person on June 2nd. Despite this, the conversation continued in a more directive and persuasive direction, including guidance on voting by mail logistics and candidate preference.
What stood out to me afterward was not just the interaction itself, but how quickly a moment of intended connection became a moment of disconnection once boundaries and differing intentions were not fully respected.
In reflecting on this experience, I found it helpful to revisit some communication principles that become especially important in emotionally charged political environments—particularly around listening, consent in conversation, and maintaining respect under pressure.
1. Create the Conditions for Real Conversation
Before you enter a political discussion, pay attention to the emotional environment. Timing matters. If someone is exhausted, stressed, distracted, or already emotionally activated, the conversation is unlikely to become productive.
As an interpersonal and public speaking skills coach, I often remind clients that people cannot listen well when their nervous system feels under threat. Once voices rise, interruptions begin, or personal attacks emerge, the conversation has usually shifted from dialogue into defense.
Strong communicators know when to pause. Sometimes the most skillful thing you can do is redirect the energy, introduce humor, or suggest taking a break before the conversation becomes emotionally damaging.
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2. Communicate Respect Before You Communicate Opinion
Underneath most political conflict is a far more human question:
“Am I being respected right now?”
People listen more openly when they feel seen rather than judged. Your body language matters as much as your words. Eye contact, relaxed posture, genuine curiosity, and calm vocal tone all signal safety.
Instead of preparing your rebuttal, try listening for what matters emotionally to the other person. Reflect back what you hear:
- “I can understand why that concerns you.”
- “I hear how important this is to you.”
- “I may not fully agree, but I can see where you’re coming from.”
Validation is not agreement. It’s creating enough psychological safety for a real conversation to happen.
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3. Slow Down Your Assumptions
One of the fastest ways conversations deteriorate is when we assume intention instead of seeking clarity.
When we feel triggered, the brain fills in gaps quickly — often inaccurately. Rather than assigning motive or character judgments, stay curious. Ask for clarification before reacting.
Instead of:
- “You always dismiss people like me.”
Try:
- “When you said that, what did you mean?”
- “Can you help me understand your perspective there?”
The goal is not perfection. The goal is staying connected long enough to understand what is being said beneath the emotional charge.
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4. Listen Beneath the Position
Most people defend political positions because those positions are connected to something deeper: fear, belonging, fairness, security, identity, hope, or personal experience.
If you only argue against the surface opinion, the conversation stays stuck.
A more powerful approach is to explore what’s underneath:
- What values are driving this belief?
- What concern are they trying to protect?
- What experience shaped this perspective?
When people feel understood at the level of values and emotion, rigidity often softens naturally.
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5. Focus on Understanding, Not Winning
Many people enter political conversations trying to persuade. But meaningful communication rarely comes from overpowering someone intellectually.
In my work, I encourage people to shift the goal from changing minds to understanding humanity.
Political beliefs are often deeply tied to identity and belonging. The more threatened a person feels, the more tightly they cling to their position. Real openness only happens in environments that feel emotionally safe.
You do not have to abandon your convictions to communicate skillfully. But if the conversation becomes about domination, neither person is truly listening anymore.
The strongest communicators know how to stay grounded, curious, and connected — even inside disagreement.
In conclusion…
Political disagreement is inevitable in a democracy. What should not be inevitable is hostility, coercion, or the erosion of mutual respect. We do not strengthen civic life by demanding ideological conformity—we strengthen it by protecting the values that make meaningful dialogue possible: respect, listening, critical thinking, and the ability to disagree without dehumanizing one another. I believe these are the values that will help us in our fight for a more perfect Union. Which is ultimately the goal of political discourse.
Lisa Wentz is a public speaking expert and author of Grace Under Pressure: A Masterclass in Public Speaking. Considered one of the top coaches in the San Francisco Bay Area, she helps clients transform into fearless, eloquent communicators. Lisa has been featured on CNBC and in TIME Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, INC., and the L.A. Daily Journal. She holds a master’s degree in Voice and Speech Pedagogy from the Royal Central School of Speech and Drama, University of London. Her writing has also been published internationally. She lives and works in Northern California.